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It is exactly a month since I last posted about feeling back at square one. Tonight, and for the past few nights, I feel the same way. Perhaps it is because I have a lot of very personal stuff going on and he was my “go to” person to lean on when things got rough. It would make sense that I am longing for that person again- but what is difficult now is that I hardly remember what it is like to be with this person; I don’t remember the anything specific, including the bad times. I can’t remind myself of how bad it was because it hardly feels real now anyway. It has been three months (feels like a lot longer!) and I used to be OK. Was it because I was suppressing these feelings? Pretending like he didn’t exist at all? Pretending that our history wasn’t a part of me? There are so many things that he lacked- so many things he didn’t do for me. Yet I cry and consider calling him after three months of hard work to get “over” everything. I feel like because I have these terrible days and I feel as though it is more painful now than the day we broke up, that I am not really over anything at all. I am not sure what else to do- how else to “get over it”. Maybe I just need time, and all the things I was doing before was just fluff to get me by. Maybe I just need to let go and forget about the past. Work towards the future and stop making “deadlines” for my feelings to meet. Who says I need to be over this in three months? I do- and that is the problem. Should we set deadlines? Should we say enough is enough and just cease caring?

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